I miss you. And the life we might have had if we’d met at another time, in another place.
I miss you. And I try not to but it presses on my heart today and makes me feel like nothing will ever be able to fix the hurt that I have no business feeling. And I know that soon enough the hurt will go and be replaced by warmth when I remember how happy I was, but today all I can think about is that you’re not here. That you never will be.
I miss you. And I know that I’ll never be able to let anyone else in until I let you go. And I’ve resolved to live with that. It’s just that sometimes I just need a hug. A great big everything’s-gonna-be-OK hug. From someone who genuinely cares. But that can’t be you anymore. And it’s frustrating. Because it can’t be anyone else either.
I miss you. And I don’t know what to do with that.
Tomorrow will be better,
I really just want to go to sleep and I hope by telling you, that perhaps you’ll let me.
Good night, my love.
Sometimes a random memory of you and I in a single moment flashes in my mind and I’m often so surprised by such a sudden and vivid advent that quite without meaning to I submit to a sharp intake of breath and by the time it’s time to breathe out again the memory has gone.It only lasts a few seconds but it is as real in that moment as it was when we lived it. x.
You light up my cold heart
They spoke of you out loud tonight. Like you were a real person - not just something I made up in my head.
It made me feel… better.
I miss you.
On the surface we seem odd.
The sum of my parts make up a small timber house in an old wood by a lake next to an open field of wildflowers. In the winter a fire burns quietly inside, stoked by the thought of warm summer nights when I’ll be able to open the house up and listen to the evening from the porch, the sky clear and full of stars so bright you can see their reflection in the lake.
And you. Your pieces appear to create a large house made of ambition and success. You don’t have a yard but you keep a small fern on the desk in your office to remind yourself that life is not all metal and masonry. You have not seen the stars in a long time but some nights you look up through the eyes of the boy that you were and the sky opens up so wide you start to fool yourself into believing that you don’t actually need this big house.
But then, by some strange stroke of cosmic wonder, on the flipside of our pieces lies another puzzle, one that nobody saw, and when you put both of our pieces together you can see that - together - we don’t seem so strange at all. We fit. And it all makes perfect sense.
But you’ve already put your jigsaw together, and there’s no room for my pieces to fit. So I live out my days in my little house by the lake, but I leave my puzzle unfinished incase you ever need any of my pieces to make your one whole.
In anticipation of your absence I never went home. But it is felt nonetheless, (your absence) as I sit here, in this crowded room.
I know you have your demons to deal with, as we all do. But it’s not fair to treat me as though I was one of them when we were supposed to be in it together.
I won’t expect to hear from you but you know where to find me if…..you need me.